Reagan to the Rescue!

Jan 26

Reagan gonna make you scream!

Reagan gonna make you scream!

Jan 25

Reagan stole The Tonight Show back from Conan because Reagan hates gingers.

Reagan stole The Tonight Show back from Conan because Reagan hates gingers.

Jan 21

Reagan can out-sad your emo band.

Reagan can out-sad your emo band.

He Also Makes the Biscuits at Popeyes

dustflowers asked: will reagan stop the world from ending in 2012?

Unknown. In 2012, Reagan plans on traveling the solar system across the Asteroid Belt with a fire-hot needle and several tons of Clearasil to finally vanquish Jupiter’s Great Red Spot. Reagan doesn’t appreciate seeing large, Commie-Red masses on the map of any planet. We’re sure he’ll save Earth if nothing more exciting pops up.

Jan 20

Reagan steals rainbows from hippies and focuses them into deadly white laser beams, which he uses to hunt the most precious game of all— Russkies!

Reagan steals rainbows from hippies and focuses them into deadly white laser beams, which he uses to hunt the most precious game of all— Russkies!

Jan 19

Reagan loves a good spectacle.

Reagan loves a good spectacle.

Anonymous asked: Who invented the internet?

Al Gore did, in fact, invent the internet— in a manic effort to impress Reagan while they were hanging one weekend in Rio. Reagan was not impressed, as he already had access to all information known and unknown.